I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
