Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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