Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
