Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
