I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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