Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
