LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
