I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
