whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
