halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
