i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
