Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
