I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
