he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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