Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
