I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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