i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize