It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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