I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
