I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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