This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
