why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
