So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
