all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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