I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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