so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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