just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
