I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize