I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
