apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
