he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
