those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
