just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
