She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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