I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
