He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
