I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
