I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
