Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We left the knife in your bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
