I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
