Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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