forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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