she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize