Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
