It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
