Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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