2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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