Swine flu. Run for my life!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
