Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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