I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
