Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
