We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
