are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
