omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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