did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize