Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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