haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
