As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
