If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
