My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
