Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
