The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
