South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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