So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize