my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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