bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
