I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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