The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
